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Sam Kekovich 2009 - Australia Day
Every year around Australian Day (Jan 26), a former Aussie-rules football player named “Slammin” Sam Kekovich delivers an “address” to the country on behalf of the lamb industry.
Here is the text of his 2009 address:
“My fellow Australians,
The world economy is rooted. And it’s all due to one thing: unAustralianism. Wall Street wankers and bottom-feeding, billionaire bankers, stuffing their wallets at the expense of battlers - it’s about as unAustralian as it gets.
Sadly, Australia is not immune. We’ve been seduced by 48-month interest-free, internet fridges that are smarter than the average stockbroker. Our Olympians sold themselves, flogging undies and waterproof laptops, while the Brits were flogging us on the medals table. And how can you splurge $130 million on a 3-hour movie called Australia and not spend one cent on showing a lamb barbie?
What a load of bulldust.
We need to return to the egalitarian values that made Australia great, embodied in our national dish: the barbecued lamb chop.
A chop tastes the same in a designer outfit as it does in stubbies and thongs. Which reminds us, you don’t need to be an overpaid, pin-striped parasite from a millionaire’s factory… To be truly happy, you just need a chop and a cold one.
The short-selling, rogue-trading, corporate crooks may disagree with me, but they can go jump. And if they don’t know the way I’ll push them in the right direction.
So the message is clear: the only rescue package we need is wrapped in butcher’s paper and filled with nice, juicy lamb chops.
Because there’s only one way to beat the credit crunch: munch lamb.
Not just me: I need every Australian - the whole bloody lot of you - taking up the tongs and being Sam Kekovich.
Can we change things if we all unite as a nation? Yes we can!
So don’t be unAustralian. Serve lamb on Australia Day. You know it makes sense. We’re Sam Kekovich.”
